This year has been a profound year for me therapeutically speaking.  Less than 6 months ago I finally understood why I had responded to life the way I had always done.  Why I had fallen down the rabbit hole of depression that took me to the verge of suicide but also what helped me to survive it and make me the person I am today.

Yes, 2019 has been a year of discovery and I’m still processing it all, which is of no surprise after a build up of decades.

In short, it stems from an unavoidable necessity to trust, violation and despite the violation, then desertion.

Just over 2 weeks ago, the freediving world lost a very special person to a non water related accident.

Sayuri’s grace and joy touched everyone she met.  I don’t have the words to convey how beautifully and how much she impacted people…

But for me, her ability to play in and out of the water with the innocence and carefree delight of a child was magical to watch and is what has triggered a torrent of grief for me.  Not only for her loss but also because it is the loss of innocence and carefree-ness that I grieve for myself, from my past.

This is not meant to be a post of self pity but one of realisation and release.

Sayuri’s legacy for me is to embrace the person that I am today, born out of my past experiences and re-find my joy, both in and out of the water.

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